Alone

Dog sitting always brings out the lonely in me.  Being in someone else's house, away from my family, disconnected from my typical daily life...other than this (usually) endearing dog, it's just me and whatever routine I set for myself, out of all the possibilities I could pursue.

And what do I usually turn to?

TV or movies.  But usually TV.

There's something very safe and "live" feeling about TV (even if it's a sitcom).  You develop relationships with the characters on your favorite show, you grow comfortable with the format, and you don't have to create a new experience.  For while new experiences can be gratifying, they can also be terrifying, and there's no guarantee of escaping dissatisfaction or loneliness through the doing.

When I'm lonely, I want to feel like I'm with family.  So I turn to Hank Hill and the citizens of Arlen, to the sassy Golden Girls of Miami, and to the affectionate snobbery of Frasier and Niles Crane.  I dive into hours of As Time Goes By, and wish I had my own crotchety Lionel, ridiculously charming Alistair, or painfully adorable but oh-so-clueless Harry.  The predictable format of Chef Ramsey blowing his lid at arrogant restaurant owners (those are the best to watch) and clueless chefs, tearing them down so he can (sort of) build them up, can be quite nice as well, and enjoyably mindless.

How much do I miss by surrounding myself with these virtual shadows?  Don't get me wrong - I actually am pretty pro-TV when it comes to truly brilliant comic writing and beloved characters.  I think King of the Hill is absolutely fantastic, and Mike Judge is a genius.  But in immediately running to these predictably wonderful things, I miss out on some potential adventures hiding just around the bend.  Perhaps I could benefit from  more musical therapy, experimental cooking misadventures, long talks on the phone, absorbing reading sessions...or taking some time to pray more honestly than I would like to.  Being perfectly blunt about how much I fear loneliness, and how I feel like God is a Stranger who I don't really know, and how I don't how I'm supposed to get things more right in my own head.

And oh, how I crave turning on a TV show right now, because it is so much more safe than facing alone.